A broken heart
by Awesam
Summary: Lorelai must deal with the pain of Luke and Rory breaking her heart, and to do this she disappears, and not even Sookie can find her.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: ok so this is about season 6 finale, but it's slightly AU cause Rory and Lorelai still haven't made up. This story is basically about Lorelai and what she'd be going through after the way Luke and ****Rory shattered her heart. **

* * *

Lorelai walked away from Luke, pulling her insignificant shawl tighter around her body. Lorelai almost broke into a run trying to get away from Luke, not wanting him to see her cry. Part of her screamed to just stop, turn around, wait, he'd be coming after her soon, but the bigger part, the part that had just been obliterated by him pushed her onwards.

As soon as she was home Lorelai jumped into her car, intending to drive straight to Chris. She wasn't entirely sure of the reason, maybe for comfort, maybe to try and hurt Luke like she was hurting, or maybe because he was her oldest friend and she just wanted to return to a better childhood time. Unfortunately her plans were ruined when her car didn't straight.

Lorelai screamed in frustration and thumped her fist on the steering wheel. Lorelai rested her head against the wheel, letting some anger and frustration pour out of her until all that was left was pain, desperation, and utter sadness.

Moving slowly now, she get out of the car and walked towards her house, her home. Lorelai looked up, thinking about what was inside. All of Luke's possessions, their joint bedroom and renovated bathroom, all the movies they were going to watch together, all the clothes he had helped her pick out. She couldn't go inside.

Lorelai slowly turned in a circle. She couldn't drive anywhere, she couldn't stay, she couldn't think of anywhere, anyone, that could help her, and more than anything she wanted to be alone. Without any more thought Lorelai disappeared into the bush behind her house, not going anywhere, just going.

"She's still not answering," Sookie cried impatiently.

Even Michel looked worried. "Try her home phone again."

"I have! There's no answer, goes straight to the machine."

"What about the diner man?" Michel suggested.

"Oh Luke!" Sookie smiled triumphantly, she couldn't believe she'd forgotten him. Sookie dialled his number immediately, knowing it off by heart by the amount of times she'd called Lorelai there.

"Luke's," answered a frustrated voice.

"Luke! It's me!"

"Sookie?" Luke was surprised, she didn't seem angry or sad, maybe she didn't know what had happened.

"Luke is Lorelai there?"

"No she's not?" Luke said evenly, he didn't want to give his anguish over last night's fight away to anyone. He was going to give her some time to cool off and then tonight, maybe tomorrow, he'd find her and sort it out.

"Have you seen her this morning?" Sookie asked, the worry and desperation back in her voice. If she wasn't at home, wasn't at the inn, wasn't with Luke, where could she possibly be.

"No, I haven't seen her since last night, why?" Luke asked, picking up on Sookie's worry and blending it with his own. Why was she not at the inn.

"She should have been here 3 hours ago and she won't answer her phone and Babette said that although her car is outside Lorelai isn't home. Where could she be Luke? I'm worried…"

Luke swallowed. He should have gone after her last night, God knows what has happened to her and it's his fault. "Sookie have you tried Rory?" It was a shot in the dark but maybe Lorelai had gone to her after the fight last night.

"I didn't know they were talking?"

"Maybe something happened last night?" Luke hinted.

"OK good, I hope so, I'll try now. Luke, if you see her get her to call me straight away, OK?"

"Sure Sookie." They disconnected.

Sookie turned to Michel, "no luck."

Sookie punched Rory's new mobile number into her phone.

"Hello?" Rory answered sweetly.

"Honey it's me."

"Sookie? What's wrong? Is it Mum? Is she alright?" Sookie never called Rory, except for the godparent thing, something must have happened.

"She hasn't shown up at work this morning, I was hoping she was with you?"

"No Sookie… we still haven't… we still aren't…" Rory couldn't admit it out loud. She had been horrible, completely horrendous, to a person that literally gave everything up for her, for a person who loved her with her fibre of her being, a person that had already been through so much heartache. She regretted what she did, so much, but she didn't know how to take it back, how to make it better.

"Oh," Was all Sookie could say, completely out of options for where Lorelai could be.

"What's happened?" Rory was extremely panicked now.

"I'm sure it's nothing," Sookie tried to calm Rory.

"Sookie," Rory pleaded.

"Your mum should have been here 3 hours ago and she never showed, no one, not even Luke, has seen her since last night. Her car is at home but she isn't there." Sookie was practically hyperventilating.

"I'm on my way," Rory said. Honestly she had no clue where her Mother was, and even if everything was fine, she couldn't go another day without apologising and making things right between them.

The phone disconnected.

Sookie looked and Michel and shook her head. "Any other options?"

Michel looked down. Lorelai was simply gone.

* * *

**R and R**

**so it's just short to start with. next will be longer**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: thank you so much for all the reviews! I read all of them and I loved them all so much! It's great to see that people still love GG even after it's been off air for so long. **

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Leaves flitted softly across the grass as wind blew softly through the hidden picnic area. Lorelai had found this place last night. It was completely enclosed by trees and even though it was still in Stars Hollow Lorelai knew no one would find her here, mainly because she didn't think anyone even knew that this place existed. The sun had been rising in the morning when the tears finally stopped flowing, and being completely exhausted, Lorelai decided to fall asleep where she was, right over the wooden picnic table.

A soft breeze blew hair across her face, waking her to the sunny day. Lorelai groaned as she sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes. She had a huge migraine, most likely from the tears, and a neck cramp, most likely from the makeshift bed. Lorelai didn't even have a moment of confusion for where she was as her dreams had been constant replays of the fight last night.

Lorelai slowly stood up, knowing she'd have to go home eventually, and with the sun so high in the sky it was probably already around midday so someone, if only Sookie, should be worried about where she was. Lorelai paused. What if not even Sookie had noticed she was gone. Sookie had 2 kids, a busy job, a husband, so much stuff already, it wouldn't be her fault to not notice a missing best friend. If Lorelai was being honest she would admit that Sookie hadn't noticed her at all this year. Hadn't noticed how much she was hurting from Rory, how much she was hurting from what Luke was doing to her. No, maybe not even Sookie realised she was missing. This thought process brought back the rage she had felt last night and with renewed vigour she made the walk back to her house, hiding herself in the trees.

Lorelai took extra care sneaking into her house, making sure noisy neighbour Babette wasn't lurking. Her rage was still in force as she entered the house, not even noticing the red flashing light on her answering machine or the chirping from her mobile. Lorelai walked straight into Rory's room. She had lied to her parents and kept some of Rory's things, just to feel like there was still a connection. She had been hopeful, even then, that Rory would get over it, go back to Yale, and come back. That was half true. Rory had gone back to Yale. That had been the hardest week of Lorelai's life; sitting by the door, phone in hand, hoping the prodigal daughter would return. No one came, no on called.

Lorelai grabbed everything she had of Rory's; photos, toys, clothes, school work, books, everything, and dumped it all in a pile by the door. On a roll Lorelai ran through the house, picking up everything that belonged to Luke and dumping it with Rory's belongings.

Next she grabbed her own belongings, everything important to her, and all the clothes she would need, and piled it all into some bags. Once she felt she had everything she turned her attention back to the Luke and Rory pile, and gathered it all up into her arms.

Lorelai dumped everything she had of Luke's and Rory's onto her front lawn, in a nice big muddy puddle left over from a rain a few days prior.

As Lorelai sat outside, waiting for the taxi she had called to come and take her away, she felt she still hadn't done enough, so, without thinking it through, she grabbed the oil and lighters out of Luke's pile and set it all on fire. It didn't take long, the oil providing perfect fuel for the angry red flames.

With perfect timing the taxi arrived, the driver pulling a shocked face at the sight in front of him. Lorelai grabbed her bags and with one last look at her house, she left.

* * *

Babette hears the sound of a car next door so she races to the window, hoping that it was Lorelai returning. Unfortunately Babette only saw the taxi driving away, Lorelai in the back. A red movement caught her eye, and caused her to cry out, "Maury!"

* * *

Rory had literally just walked into the door of the Dragonfly when Sookie's phone rang.

"Lorelai?" Sookie answered, Rory rushed over to her.

"No doll it's me, Babette!" Babette said in her usually loud voice.

"Babette? Is she home?" Rory called out, being able to hear Babette's voice.

"Rory?" Babette asked.

"Yeah Rory just got here. Babette is Lorelai home?"

"No doll. She came and went! But I think you should come here, now, something is wrong."

"What is it?"

"I don't know how to explain. Just come now."

Sookie looked at Rory, before both just turned and walked out, leaving Michel to run the inn.

* * *

Sookie, Babette, and Rory could only stare at the slightly burnt mass of belongings in front of them. Maury had quickly put it out so some things weren't too badly damaged. It was obvious, just by looking, that it was Rory's and Luke's possessions that had been lit on fire. Rory was the first to talk.

"Someone fill me in here? I mean I know why my stuff is in there but…"

Babette and Sookie shared a look, and as if communicating silently, Babette walked backed inside her house, leaving Sookie to attempt to explain it all to Rory.

"Sweetie, your Mum and Luke have been having problems-"

"Why didn't anyone call me?"

"I didn't think to… I guess I just thought maybe you wouldn't care-"

"Wouldn't care! Sookie my Mum was hurting and I didn't know!"

"Honey… " Sookie pointed at the burnt pile, "you started the hurting."

Rory felt tears spring to her eyes at the guilt of it all. It was her fault that she hadn't been there, that this, whatever it was, had happened to her Mother.

Sookie felt a pang of guilt at the expression on Rory's face, so she decided to move on and tell Rory about what had been happening the last year. "Luke has a daughter."

Rory kept quiet but looked at Sookie in shock.

"That wasn't the bad part. Luke didn't tell Lorelai, she didn't know until way later when she walked into the diner and the kid, April, introduced herself," on a roll Sookie continued, "and Lorelai completely accepted it, wanted to include her into their lives, but instead Luke cut her out, told her he didn't want her anywhere near April. Lorelai kept quiet and took her though, I think she was still just so hurt from what happened with her and she just wouldn't stand up for herself, so when Luke postponed the wedding Lorelai just accepted it, cancelled it, let Luke move back to his apartment."

"Mum…" Rory said sadly, thinking of everything Lorelai must have gone through. She could tell by Sookie's explanation that Lorelai hadn't spoken to Sookie about what was going on, all of the details were told by an observer, as if it was some other Stars Hollow resident. Her Mum had been completely alone while she slowly lost the love of her life.

"I should have known things were bad after her drunken speech at Lane's wedding but she's Lorelai, you know, I just thought she'd be OK."

Rory frowned. She had missed Lane's wedding because of catching up at Yale, but she had watched videos and hadn't seen any of this. "Did Luke care?"

Sookie shrugged. She didn't know.

This made Rory mad. Luke had always been there for them, always pined for her Mum, how could he treat someone that meant so much to him like that. Rory turned and walked away, Luke was going to know his part in her Mother's disappearance and was going to feel the same guilt she was feeling.

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**A/N: Ok this is mostly background I guess, the next chapter will be the start of the story :D**

**R and R**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: yey 2 in one day! really I just am trying to get to the chapter after this one, hehehe, which I'm sure ppl won't like, cause there will be a slight shock :D**

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The door to Luke's diner crashed against the wall, causing all occupants to jump, and making Luke drop the coffee pot he was holding.

"Rory?" Luke was shocked. When did Rory come back? Luke looked at her face, so completely filled with anger and hurt that it broke Luke's heart to see her like that. "Rory?" Luke repeated, softly, moving towards her.

Rory stepped away, pushing him off. "No! Don't touch me!" Rory cried in anguish.

Luke almost fell backwards.

"How dare you treat my mother like that!"

All the diner goers were glued to the scene. Stars Hollow was a small town and a tight community, and everyone knew about the fallout between mother and daughter, and everyone also knew about the fragile relationship between the diner owner and inn keeper.

Patty pressed a hand to her heart, hurting for Rory, and Luke, and most of all Lorelai. Babette had called her and told her the young mother had left, without a word, and she worried. Patty could see the fury in Rory's eyes and wanted to step in but she knew Luke needed to hear this, so she sent a look to Lane and Cesar to keep back and let it happen.

"Rory-" Luke started.

"No! You don't speak! You listen! You knew my Mum was hurting, because of what I did," Rory's voice broke slightly at her own guilt but she powered on, "and instead of helping her, being there for her, you postponed the wedding and cut her out of your life? I told her you were a good pick, I told her you were a good choice, I can't believe you would do this. Every person in this town knows that you loved Mum for years so how can you justify this? You finally had her so you didn't want her anymore? What was it?"

"Rory-"

"No! It's your turn to listen. She is gone… gone. And she isn't coming back. Hell she left quite a parting gift for us, a nice little bonfire on her front lawn-"

"What?" Luke basically gasped, no matter how unmanly.

"Oh yeah! Looks like she gathered up everything she had of ours and just set it on fire. Nice right..." Rory felt her anger seep away, replaced by some tears.

Luke moved to comfort her but she put out a hand and stopped him.

"No Luke. I need you to tell me what happened."

Luke looked around. He didn't want to admit this, not to the town, not to Rory, not to himself, but he knew he had to. Luke took his hat off and scratched his head before finally meeting Rory's eyes.

"She told me she couldn't wait anymore. Elope or lose her…"

Rory felt her mouth drop open. "Luke… you didn't say no…"

"No!" Luke cried, "I would never say no."

"Then what?"

Luke swallowed, trying to get the lump out of his throat. "I… I needed time, I needed to think about it-"

"What was there to think about?"

Luke looked away, towards the town square. He saw the cathedral and felt a small smile tug at the corner of his mouth, remembering their kiss and engagement. The smile dropped away completely as that memory was replaced by the swishing of Lorelai's dress as he watched her walk away.

"Luke, did you say no?" Rory urged an answer out of his.

Luke turned back to Rory, looking at this girl he saw as his own daughter, making him think about April and how he had hurt her by not letting Lorelai be in her life. "Worse. I watched her walk away."

* * *

Lorelai looked up at the house in front of her. Ivy covered walls, high fence, and perfectly manicured lawn. This was exactly what she had spent her whole life running from. Lorelai sat on the boot of her rented car outside of her childhood home, just letting thoughts play through her mind. She remembered how this place had resembled a jail to her growing up, and how all she had ever wanted to do was impress her parents, but she never succeeded. She had always been a disappointment, from the moment she was born with a big head right until she got pregnant. Ignored was her perfect GPA and aptitude for everything she put her mind to, remembered was the mistakes, the spilt wine, the wrong music. Lorelai couldn't take the way that they looked at her and Rory and she didn't ever want Rory to feel the way she had felt so she left. Little did she know that this was the world Rory belonged to. Little did she know that taking away that little girl didn't help her, but hurt her instead. For 21 years Lorelai thought she had done everything for Rory, she had never been so wrong.

Lorelai stood up and shook herself off. It was too late for regrets, she had made the mistakes and she couldn't change them. What she could do was make sure her mistakes didn't hurt the people she loved ever again. So Lorelai got behind the wheel of the car and drove away, headed to the door of the first person that gave her a fresh start, and the first person to take a chance on her, seeking temporary shelter.

* * *

Luke and Rory stood on Lorelai's front lawn, simply starting at the burnt pile of goods.

"What are we going to do?" Luke asked quietly.

"We?"

Luke glared at Rory without thinking about it.

Rory looked down, not being offended or even guilty, just sad. "I don't think there is anything we can do. I don't know where she is and I don't know how to contact her."

"I guess the ball is in her court," Luke muttered.

"We never played sports. Unless you count debating."

"That's not a sport."

Rory felt herself smile. "It is the way the Gilmore's play it."

Luke smiled as well. He knew that would have been a direct quote from the woman herself, defiantly something she would say. "I mean, it looks like she has to make the next move."

Rory gestured to the pile in front of her. "I think she did."

Luke nodded. "We're not gonna hear from her for a while are we?"

Rory tried to wipe away her tears. "No… I don't think so."

Luke nodded again. He raised an arm to comfort Rory but then decided better of it and let it fall back to his side. Slowly he turned and walked away, leaving Rory to continue staring, silently, at the burnt offering.

* * *

Mia heard a loud knock on her door. "Are we expecting anyone?" she answered her husband, who simply shrugged his shoulders.

Mia stood and moved to the door, gracefully as always. "Lorelai?" she gasped as she opened to door to see the tear streaked face of her favourite person.

"Hey Mia. Got any room for a complete failure?"

Mia stepped across the threshold and pulled Lorelai into her arms, hugging her tightly.

Lorelai broke down at the warm and safe contact, letting heart wrenching sobs rack through her body.

"I messed up Mia," she sobbed. "I took her away when I shouldn't have and I forced Luke into something he didn't want."

Mia frowned. Luke? Last she knew Luke and Lorelai were best friends, Lorelai still oblivious to how much Luke cared for her. What had she missed? She pulled back from the hug slightly to look into Lorelai's face. What she saw broke her heart. Her once blue, fierce, eyes were dull and empty, there was no trace of her smile, and the normally strong and straight shoulders were hunched in on themselves. Mia pulled her back into an even tighter hug and pulled her inside the house, closing the door solidly behind her.

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**R and R**

**Ok she needed someone and we all love Mia, who wasn't in the show nearly enough. PS im hoping first sentence of next chapter will shock! I wonder if anyone can guess what will happen? Or what the next chapter will be about? Hopefully you can't**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: OK, first, I have to say sorry for not posting this weekend, I work crazy hours on the weekends and didn't get a chance to get online. Second, big congrats to 'BFD' who hit the nail head on, this chapter starts a week later. And before people complain and say I've ruined the story I'd like to say that this is where I originally wanted the story to go. Third, after reading the reviews, which I appreciate and LOVE SO MUCH (I read every single word and they honestly mean heaps to me, so thanks guys) I think I should tell people my opinion of the whole Lorelai Luke saga. Don't be angry but here it is: I hate Luke. Not Luke first 5 seasons, he is an amazing guy who does things like santa burgers and ice rinks, but suddenly season 6 and 7 Luke seems so rude, like the line, "we're not fighting... yet" and the way he lies about things like the basketball game with Logan during the Valentine's weekend. Lorelai is my fav so I want her to be happy but all throughout her engagement with Luke it didn't seem like there were any happy moments and she seemed to be in a constant depression. And I can't say how much it sucked during season 7 when everything was blamed on Lorelai, even though they were broken up before she slept with Christopher (even if that was completely the wrong thing to do).** **Also, I think what Rory did really sucked considering everything that Lorelai did for her and that she was forgiven way to fast. OK, so there is my rant, and don't worry I won't let me feelings about Luke effect this story, it's all planned in my mind and is defiantly a pro Luke and Lorelai story, I just want Lorelai to realise that she is an amazing person and Mum and get her confidence back.**

**Sorry for the massive authors note, read on.**

* * *

Rory stood in a line waiting to walk across the stage for her graduation, tears streaking down her face and leaving marks in her makeup. With a hopeful smile Rory checked the crowd again, feeling even more pain in her chest as she sighted the empty seat. It had been a year since she had seen or spoken to her mother, and she only knew she was alive was because Mia had rung once Lorelai had arrived there. Rory looked down and sighed. She had sent her one and only ticket for her graduation to Mia, hoping it would be given to her Mum. Rory wasn't sure which she wanted to believe more, that Mia didn't have a clue where Lorelai was to she had never gotten the ticket, or that she had gotten the ticket and just didn't come. The last year had been complete hell, and not just on Rory but on all of Stars Hollow and everyone else that had been in Lorelai's life.

Rory hadn't spoken a word to her grandparents since she had moved out, or basically ran out, just before she returned to Yale. Logan tried to handle Rory's sudden moods for a while but eventually it was too much and he returned to his playboy ways. Sookie and Jackson had moved away to live with Jackson's parents after the Dragonfly went bankrupt, and so did they. Lane and Zack had gotten into a massive fight during their baby shower and were still fighting for custody during a lengthy and painful divorce. Babette and Morey had separated and Patty had closed her dance studio. And Luke… well Luke didn't seem to have changed… he and April had grown closer, he still owned the diner and lived upstairs, even with his new pet. Rory frowned as she thought that over. People only slightly touched by Lorelai had plummeted down but Luke, the person who claimed to love Lorelai more than anyone, was completely fine, some would even say he was happy. Rory couldn't understand him. When he had been pursuing her Mum he seemed like the perfect guy, THE ONE, but suddenly, once he had her, he couldn't push her out of his life quick enough.

Rory felt someone nudge her from behind and came out of her thought bubble. Rory looked around; confused for a second, before realising it was her turn to take the long walk across the stage. Rory couldn't even muster a fake smile as she took her award. Rory didn't even really notice the rest of the ceremony, as she spent it staring down at her feet desperately trying not to cry, until she was called to give the students address.

Rory walked to the podium, staring intently at the speech she held in her hands. She had never really been nervous speaking to audiences and now wasn't a time to start. But, Rory thought, now was different, her number one fan and constant source of support wasn't there, for the first time ever. Rory took a deep breath and looked up, her eyes immediately locking with a pair of familiar blues standing slightly behind the audience. A wide grin cracked Rory's face. Lorelai was there. Rory couldn't read her face from this distance, so she decided to imagine the proudest smile she had ever seen her Mother show.

Rory cleared her throat and began. "I am truly honoured to have been chosen to speak to this graduating class. It took me months to finally decide what I wanted to say today. You wouldn't believe it but after living 22 years I had so much I wanted to share, so much knowledge that Yale has imparted on me, but I couldn't decide what the one thing that I thought would help with your future lives would be, with all my thoughts and knowledge I couldn't find anything good enough. But then I decided, I might not know the right thing to say, but there is a person in my life who does. A person so amazing that them someone seem to always know the right thing to say. Not everyone here knows me, but those that do know how hard I worked to get to this day. Last year I took an entire semester off from college and had to take extra classes to make up the time."

Rory focused on her Mum for the next part. "Although I basically wasted those 6 months of my life I have to admit that I do not regret it-" even from the distance Rory saw her Mother visibly flinch so she hurried on with the rest of the sentence "because it taught me a lesson that I couldn't have gone without. While I was growing up I only encountered people that supported me, told me I could succeed, believed in me. My biggest enthusiast was my best friend, my Mum.

"She taught me that whatever I wanted, if I worked for it, I could have. And that was true. Until suddenly someone told me that I didn't have what it takes to become a journalist, the one thing I've wanted to be since before I learnt how to walk. And I wasn't strong enough to fight against it, I gave in and I gave up. And during those 6 months of doing nothing but watch television and sleep I had time abundance to think. I found myself living in my Mother's childhood home, turning 21, and going nowhere with my life, and I realised something...

"When my mother was 21 she had a 5-year-old daughter to raise by herself, while also completing school and making ends meet. My Mum never had anyone telling her she would succeed, no one supporting her, no one believing in her, yet she achieved more than it seems humanly possible.

"So that very long story leads me to what I want to tell you today. When you go out, out into the 'real' world, beyond these ivy-covered walls, there will be people who support you, and there will be people who endeavour to pull you down, and you need to find strength within you to remain diligent and pursue your dreams. Ignore what the people around you say, believe in yourself and stay true. So, in closing, take the knowledge and experience that this amazing institution has given you and succeed."

The whole audience stood to their feet and applauded, all touched by her words. Rory smiled and walked back to her seat. Once she was down she turned to find her Mum, only to see an empty space where Lorelai had once been. Rory turned back and looked at her feet.

* * *

**R and R**

**I know this was so Rory focused and nothing much happened but it just ended up so long that I decided to move the part where Lorelai turns back up in Stars Hollow til the next chapter. Also, thanks for pointing out Paul Anka! I did forget him but he will be in the next chapter, and was hinted to in here, thanks guys.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: hey, so it's another short one. Basically it was 1 VERY long chapter that I split into 3, and this is the 2nd part.**

* * *

Luke looked up from the customer he was taking an order from, having a distinct feeling that someone outside was staring at him. His mouth dropped open when he spotted the familiar figure standing right outside, looking in. She didn't seem to see him. Without thinking Luke raced to the door, losing sight of her for only a second in his haste. Luke swung the door open so fast that the glass nearly broke. He took the few steps outside his diner in a leap and ran to the place he had seen Lorelai, only to find it empty. Luke spun in a circle, looking everywhere.

"Lorelai?" he called out. She couldn't have been all in his mind, could she?

* * *

Lorelai stood outside the Crap shack, her eyes racking over every part of it, every piece of chipped paint, every dead plant, every sign that her loved house had truly become a run-down, unlived in, crap shack. Lorelai signed and shock herself, moving to walk over to Babette's. She'd done enough standing and staring today to last a lifetime. Besides, who better to fill her in on the gossip than Babette.

Lorelai had barely taken a step before Babette, having spotted her from the window, came racing out.

"Hey! You! Get away from there!" Babette could only see the back of Lorelai and assumed it was some intruder. "I've been keeping that place safe for a whole year and I'm not stopping now."

Babette pushed her short legs to rush her over to the stranger.

Lorelai felt a smile at hearing Babette's voice, and having the knowledge that she was missed and her house was looked after. Lorelai turned to face the small blonde woman.

Babette stopped short (pun intended). "Lorelai?" she asked, in an oddly quiet voice.

"It's me Babette!" Lorelai cheered, moving to pull Babette into a hug, only to be pushed backwards and away. "Babette?" Lorelai asked in complete confusion.

Babette just stared at Lorelai silently for a few moments, half trying to find her voice and half trying to get over the anger and sadness she felt for the way Lorelai had left.

"Babette?" Lorelai asked frowning, but she kept her distance from the woman who was once a close friend.

"So you're back. I guess I can finally get a life and stop watching your house then," Babette grumped. So what, she was upset, she couldn't help it.

Lorelai gasped. "I didn't ask you to watch the house Babette."

"No, you're right, you didn't. Instead you disappeared without a word and left a burnt offering on your front lawn."

As if only just remembering Lorelai turned back to the place where she had lit the pile on fire, only to see no trace of anything. Lorelai turned back to Babette, seeing the hurt in the woman's eyes.

"I'm sorry honey. I was hurting and I had to go."

"But you didn't say anything. You left. For a year. Without a word, or anything to know you were safe."

"I don't know what to say… I'm sorry. I was so in my own head and my own mistakes that I wasn't thinking… I'm really sorry Babette."

Babette couldn't help but smile. Lorelai was always a light in her life and she couldn't even express how much she had missed her. "C'mere doll!" Babette called in her usual volume, pulling Lorelai into a crushing hug.

Lorelai sighed and sunk into the hug, loving the familiarity of it.

Once Babette finally released Lorelai they headed inside to the very small kitchen so Babette could catch Lorelai up on the gossip.

* * *

"Closed down?"

"Yep."

"No dancing, no yoga, no smoking?"

"Completely boarded up."

"But why?"

"Lorelai… after you left-"

"After I left?" Lorelai cut in. "What did my leaving have to do with Patty closing the dance studio?"

"Sugar how could you not know! I don't want to make you feel guilty but when you left, you took the heart of this town. Every festival, or movie night, or town meeting, just became a group of depressed people in a room, well for those that showed up."

"How did that happen?"

"You lose one piece the whole thing falls apart! You were a big piece."

"Yeah but there was a whole town before I got here-"

"There may have been. But you were a light, you changed the people around you, made them happy, without you, one by one the light went out. The people closest to you went down, then the people closest to them, then the people closest to them, and so on."

"Butterfly affect," Lorelai muttered. "I can tell the town is different but I think it's just a co-incidence," Lorelai argued.

Babette frowned, unsure why Lorelai wouldn't believe her. "If you say so sugar."

Babette continued to tell Lorelai about her and Morey, and Lane and Zack, and Taylor, and Kirk, and all the key people in her life and how badly they were doing now.

By the end Lorelai was looking at the hands, biting her lip. She couldn't believe that her friends had become to sad and miserable, and she hadn't been around to help, or even stop it from happening. She already knew about Sookie and Jackson and the dragonfly, Mia had told her, and completely blamed herself for that.

After some silence Lorelai asked about one of the elephants in the room. "What about Luke?"

Babette took a moment to decide how to word this, eventually deciding straight down the middle. "He is great."

Lorelai's head shot up and her mouth fell open.

Babette shrugged. "Him and April are close, she visits him a lot. The diner is doing well, and he seems to love living in his apartment."

Lorelai nodded slowly, taking it in. People that she barely knew were apparently hurting but her hasty departure, but Luke, the person who had been closest to her, didn't care at all. "That's good, I want him to be happy," Lorelai decided.

Babette nodded, not completely believing her but agreeing anyway. "Well, he is…"

"Good…"

More silence.

"And Rory?" The second elephant.

Babette shrugged her shoulders. "She never came back."

Another shock. "What? Never? Not even to visit?"

"No, nothing. After she saw the burnt mass she packed up her things and left. No one has seen or heard from her since. I hope she went back to school, she was really smart, you know?"

"She did. She just graduated."

"Oh! So you're in touch!" Babette cried excitedly.

Lorelai shook her head. "No, not in touch. Mia gave me the ticket. I didn't say anything to her, or even see her really."

"But you went?" Babette hoped.

Lorelai nodded but didn't say anything, giving the hint that the conversation was over.

The two talked for a bit longer before Lorelai decided it was time to back home, it was a couple hours drive.

"Oh Babette! Before I go! Sookie said you had adopted Paul Anka? I wanted to thank you so much and ask if I could have him back at all?" Lorelai asked hopefully.

"Sugar I don't have Paul Anka," Babette said, confused.

"Oh? The first thing I did when I got to Mia's was to ask her to make sure he was all right for me? Please don't tell me something happened to him," Lorelai felt tears spring to her eyes.

"No he's all right!"

"Oh," Lorelai sighed, relieved. "Umm… where is he? Do you think I'd be able to get him back or… I know I should never have left him, but as I said, I wasn't thinking at all when I left."

Babette swallowed. "I'm not sure, you'd have to ask."

"Ask who?"

Babette muttered something so quietly that Lorelai couldn't make it out.

"What?" Lorelai asked.

Babette repeated the name again, at a louder volume this time, enough so that Lorelai could hear it.

"Oh," was all Lorelai could say in reply.

* * *

**R and R**

**OK I'm adding more the the 3rd part so it probably won't be up tonight, sorry, but it should be up tomorrow. Good night!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: here you go.**

* * *

Lorelai walked in and claimed her usual stool right by the counter, plenty of face time with the owner.

"Coffee?" said owner asked as soon as Lorelai appeared.

Lorelai smiled, not even needing to reply before a full mug was placed in front of her. With greedy eyes Lorelai practically pounced on her much needed source of caffeine. After many mouthfuls Lorelai dropped the now empty mug back to the counter, where it was filled again.

Lorelai smiled at the person in front of her.

"I really missed you," Lorelai said.

She was rewarded with a warm grin.

"Me or the coffee?"

Lorelai smirked. "Tie."

"I missed you too sweetie," Kat leaned forward and tapped Lorelai on the nose. "How was the Hollow?"

"I'll divulge all the secrets when you cook me dinner tonight," Lorelai grinned.

Lorelai had met Kat on her first day in town, during a coffee hunt, and the two had bonded immediately.

Kat owned a ritzy city café. It was modern and popular but there was still enough down time for plenty of relaxation and gossip.

Lorelai had spent a month with Mia when she had left Stars Hollow. Part of her was taking time to heal, but a bigger part was waiting and giving Luke and Rory time to find her, which neither of them did. Eventually Lorelai decided she'd imposed on Mia enough and it was time to move on, physically and emotionally.

Lorelai had her jeep driven to the place where she had rented the car and swapped them over, driving immediately to the nearest city, wanting out of small town life.

Kat had a spare room and she'd moved straight in, even working at the café for a few weeks before she had accepted a job with the Durham group. Her past year had been so full of travel, work, and meeting new people that she had been able to push all the pain to the back of her mind, not even telling Kat the details of her misery, well, until she received the ticket to Rory's graduation.

Kat smiled warmly at Lorelai. "Any preference?"

Lorelai frowned in thought before shaking her head. "Just something filling… and not a cheeseburger."

Kat nodded and patted Lorelai's hand before heading back to work.

* * *

Babette flung open the door to Luke's, breathless from the run. As soon as Lorelai's car had disappeared from sight Babette had taken off at full bolt headed straight for the diner, hoping to have a front row seat to the Luke and Lorelai reunion, and trump east side Tillie for once.

"Geez Babette you OK?" Luke asked.

Babette looked around. No Lorelai. Babette couldn't have beaten her here, that's for sure. Babette felt tears sting her eyes when she realised. It had been too much to hope that Lorelai would come and see Luke. It had been too much to hope that she'd move back. It had been too much to hope that the town would be OK now. Babette couldn't face Luke so she turned to walk away, headed back to the sad safety of her house.

"Babette you OK?" Luke asked again as she reached the door.

"No one is," she flung over her shoulder as she left.

* * *

Rory looked around sadly. All of her apartment was packed up and Paris was already gone. Rory walked to the door and shut off the light, read for the drive to Boston. It wasn't the dream job she had wanted but it was a real city newspaper so she was happy. She had found a cheap apartment that, unfortunately, was a bit of a distance from work, but, it was cheap and right near a nice café.

* * *

It wasn't long after Rory had arrived that she needed a break from unpacking, so she headed over to the café. It was really modern and funky looking, Rory realised as she walked inside. She found an empty stool at the counter and took it. It wasn't too busy at that moment, just a few people scattered around, so it wasn't long before someone came to take her order.

"Hey hun what can I get you?" asked a woman around her mother's age. The woman had a kind face that Rory trusted immediately.

"I'm Rory," Rory introduced, sticking out a hand.

"Kat," Kat shook Rory's hand, not missing a beat, so used to Lorelai's abruptness.

"I just moved here, today in fact, so I'll probably be in here a lot."

"College?"

"No, work. I just graduated."

"Well don't you have a baby face! When you from honey?"

"Stars Hollow. It's a small town near-"

"Stars Hollow! Home to Kirk, the man with a million jobs!"

"Yeah!" Rory gasped, shocked. "You've been?"

"No, my room mate is from there. She talks about it so much I feel like I grew up there though."

Rory frowned. "Who's your room mate? Maybe I know her?"

Kat opened her mouth to reply but stopped short. That familiar frown reminded her of some very similar blue eyes. Kat quickly connected the dots, realising that this Rory was Lorelai's Rory.

"Ohh you probably wouldn't know her," Kat back pedalled. "Anyway, what can I get you?"

Rory picked up on the back pedal but answered anyway.

Kate scurried away to put in the order. Rory watched Kat as she moved around, avoided any interaction with Rory, even sending someone else to deliver her food.

Eventually she'd had enough so she walked over to Kat to confront her.

"My Mum is your room mate isn't she?"

Kat stepped backwards, eyes wide. "Who?" she squeaked.

"Lorelai."

Kat shook her head. "Sorry miss, I've never heard of a Lorelai."

Rory regarded her for a moment before she turned and left without another word.

Kat let out a deep breath, not knowing that Rory was actually hidden outside, waiting for Kat to close so she could follow her home.

* * *

Rory stood outside the room Kat had disappeared into for a few minutes, preparing herself, before she finally gained the courage to raise a fist and knock.

The door opened after a short wait to reveal Lorelai. Lorelai's eyes widened slightly when she saw Rory but only for a second before they turned to ice.

Rory opened her mouth to plead for forgiveness but was cut off as Lorelai stepped back and slammed the door in Rory's face.

* * *

**R and R**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: OK yey, I feel like I'm finally getting into the story**

* * *

Lorelai leaned her back against the door and slid down it, falling in a head on the floor. Her daughter was on the other side of the door. Her Rory. Tears spilled out of Lorelai's eyes and sobs racked her body violently. Lorelai was crying was hard she couldn't even get a breath. She thought this had been behind her. It all happened a year ago. But now Lorelai had to admit to herself that it had all just been pushed to the back of her mind, in a messy little pile, waiting for the chance to come out and crush her heart all over again. Lorelai felt her tears somehow getting even worse.

Rory. She thought of everything she had tried to provide for her darling little girl. The best education. The friendship. The pure love and support she had always given. How hadn't that been enough? How had Rory been better without her? How had she failed the ONE person she had given up EVERYTHING for. On instinct Lorelai pressed a hand to the door, as if trying to reach out and touch her offspring through the wood.

She wanted to be with her daughter so badly but it was too late. She had failed as a mother and Rory had hurt her more than was even possible. Lorelai wasn't sure she could forgive her, no matter how much she wanted to. Rory had the chance to have come to find her a year ago, but she hadn't. Even before that Rory should have come home after she was arrested, she should never have gone to the Gilmore's.

Lorelai felt herself getting lightheaded as the heavy sobs still limited her breath. Fighting with all the strength her upbringing had provided her she took a deep breath a stood, pushing herself away from the door, and towards her room.

* * *

Rory gasped as the door was slammed in her face. Her knees crumpled beneath her and she immediately fell to the ground, tears slowly running down her face. Suddenly she hard heart breaking sobs coming through the door.

"Mum," Rory whispered, reaching out a hand to touch the door, trying to provide any comfort she could.

Rory rested her forehead against the door, her tears leaking down the wood. She knew she had hurt her Mum. When she had gone to her grandparents, when she returned to Yale and didn't come home, when she hadn't come after her, but she had just been consumed with so much guilt that she had been selfish. Her Mum had always been so strong that Rory just assumed she would be fine, she'd get through it, but that cold look Lorelai had given her… it was like her Mum wasn't even there. Rory knew she couldn't take back the last two years, but she swore here and now that she would make up for it and her Mother would come back, no matter what she had to do.

Rory wiped her cheeks and with a deep breath she stood and headed home, ready to start planning.

* * *

Kat stood in the hall. She had seen Rory, she had seen Lorelai slam the door, she had seen her best friend crumple and cry, and she had seen her best friend brush it off like nothing and head to her room. Kat had heard Lorelai's side of the story and she couldn't understand why she felt the way she did. Even though Lorelai put the blame on herself Kat saw the blame on Rory and Luke, and she felt hatred to them for it all.

Kat thought back to the hopeful look on Rory's face when she had asked about her mother, she thought about the fact that Rory had obviously followed her home in search of her Mum. Kat's heart was broken for the pain her friend was in and wanted to help her. They had known each other a year but Kat could tell something was wrong. Some moments Lorelai was this crazy, ranting, fast-talking, amazingly strong woman, but then in the next instant she seemed to become reserved, a smaller version of the person Kat believed her to honestly be.

Kat ducked into the kitchen to turn off the oven and stove, halting the dinner she was preparing, and quickly wrote a note for Lorelai. She didn't want to leave Lorelai when she was so obviously sad but she had to catch Rory before the girl got too far. She was going to help mend the rift between to two.

* * *

Luke sat in his recliner, watching his small TV and patting Paul Anka. This was his usual nightly routine and had been for a year. Luke wasn't happy, he wasn't sad, he was, simply put, numb. Every time he closed his eyes, even to blink, he saw the burnt pile of belongings on Lorelai's front yard.

The day after Lorelai had left Sookie had come into the diner to tell Luke that Lorelai was with Mia. Straight away Luke had closed the diner and jumped into his truck to bring her home, only to get halfway and pull to the side of the road, his brain catching up with him. What right did he have to bring Lorelai home? He had promised to love her and care for her and he hadn't done that. Luke couldn't blame April, or Emily, or even Christopher. The only person Luke could blame was Luke.

Luke wasn't an idiot, he had seen the complete pain Lorelai had been in that whole year, even before she had proposed, but he hadn't done anything. He had figured that he had her, and that maybe if he had actually tried to make her happy that it meant she wouldn't be with him, that she would have found her happiness elsewhere and he couldn't really blame her. Luke thumped had thumped the steering wheel and turned around, headed back to the diner and the mediocre existence without her in his life. Luke was going to let Lorelai find happiness, wherever it took her, and if that meant putting on a happy face so no town's people could report his depression back to her then that's what he'd do. It was time he'd man up and let her be happy, for once put her first.

Luke looked down at Paul Anka with a smile. This weirdo dog simply screamed Lorelai… it had gotten him through many a morning when all he wanted to do was stay in bed and let himself cry over his loss. His dog had been his only companion when he had lost the court case over custody to April. Luckily for his April still came to visit him when she could, even though she lived in New Mexico. Luke sighed and downed a beer. Maybe he would get lucky and his liver would give out soon. The only thing that kept him going was the slight chance that he would get to see Lorelai again. He wasn't crazy enough to think that she'd come back to him, but maybe he would at least see her happy again she he would know he made the right decision.

Luke turned up the volume to the TV, letting the blaring block out his thoughts as he drunk himself to sleep, for another night.

* * *

**R and R**

**A lot of people were asking bout Luke so here is and and here is what he is thinking. I'm planning that Luke and Lorelai meet either in the next chapter or the one after so stay with me :D**

**And I know it's short so I'm gonna try and post another one up tonight to make up for that.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: thanks for all the reviews! oddly, whenever I see one it makes me want to write faster and better, so please keep it up.**

* * *

Rory rushed out of her mother's building and stood on the street for a moment, collecting her thoughts. Before she could head home she turned to someone calling her name.

"Kat?"

"Rory," Kat smiled as she reached her.

Rory looked down the street into the dark night. "She doesn't want anything to do with me," she said sadly.

Kat reached a hand out, hesitantly, and touched Rory softly on the shoulder. "I think…" Kat paused a moment, trying to find the words for what Lorelai was thinking. "I think she doesn't want anything to do with herself."

Rory glanced to Kat then back down the street. "I don't understand."

Kat sighed. She wanted to fix this and knew that telling Rory what Lorelai was thinking was the first step, but she felt almost like she was betraying her friend. "She isn't mad at you… well maybe a little but what is hurting her right now is that she blames herself."

Rory turned to face Kat fully. "Why would she even consider that?"

Kat shrugged. "She only mentioned it once to me, last week when she got the ticket to your graduation."

"Have you known each other long?"

"Almost a year. So you can see that she keeps it all very close to her heart. I knew there was something hurting with her but she never mentioned Stars Hollow… she didn't even mention that she had a daughter."

"Oh," Rory looked down sadly.

"No!" Kat backpedalled quickly. "She isn't ashamed of you, or angry for what happened. She feels like she failed you as a mother."

Rory gasped. "No. She was… is… the most amazing mother. I couldn't even imagine a Mum being better than she was. She is my best friend, my confidant. I never felt alone or unloved because she made sure I knew that I was the centre of her universe." Rory looked away and back down the street. "That's why what I did was so stupid."

"What did you do?" Kat asked, interested for the full, honest, story.

Rory tried to swallow the lump in her throat down. This would be the first time she admitted the whole truth out loud. "Mum raised me to believe that there was nothing I could accomplish. She protected me and pushed me. Suddenly I found myself in the real world, in a situation where people intended to only bring other people down, and I wasn't strong enough to withstand it. I was weak. I reacted badly and I stole a boat-"

"I'm assuming there's more of a story to that?"

Rory nodded with a ghost of a smile, which quickly disappeared. "Mum had to get me from jail. She tried to make a joke of it, you know mug shot on the fridge, break and water for breakfast, talk to each other over telephones… but I couldn't look her in the eye because I was so worried that I would see disappointment. My Mum is everything to me and I couldn't stand to think that I wasn't as good as she saw me… she always seemed to think I was perfect and I just wasn't."

Rory took a deep breath. "Then I told her I was leaving Yale and it was like… it was just horrible… I felt I had to do it, for myself, but all I could see was that she wanted better for me and I was failing her… so I left… I went to a place I knew that she wouldn't follow me. I went somewhere and to someone that I knew would deeply hurt her."

Tears rolled down Rory's cheeks. "I needed time and Mum isn't the type of person that will just leave someone alone to be in pain. She knew what was best for me and I knew a simple talk with her would have me better and happy and even knowing that, knowing that she would make it all better…"

Rory looked at Kat, eyes pleading with her to understand. "My Mum was always my hero. So strong. She left home with a baby that she had at 16 and managed to raise a daughter that went to Chilton AND Yale."

Rory shook her head in disbelief. "She is wonder woman and for once I wanted to be worthy enough to be her daughter. I wanted to show her that I could do it, that I could be strong and get through it, that she had laid the ground works and it was time for me to take off running."

Rory leaned back against the wall of the building, suddenly aware that she was talking so openly with a complete stranger. "Instead I hurt her irrevocably. I made a huge mistake and it was only once I finally found my way back to my feet that I realised I couldn't go back. How could she ever forgive me?"

"She would have forgiven you," Kat said softly.

Rory nodded with a sad laugh. "I know. She would have taken me in with open arms and no question. But that wouldn't have been fair, she shouldn't have had to just accept me. I wanted to make it better, really apologise. But I left it too long and suddenly I realised that so much time had passed that…

"And then she left. And Mia called and said she was there and I was going to go but it had already been left so long. And know I've found her and it's time to make it right."

Rory indicated to the building with her hand. "That person I saw in there isn't my Mum and it's my fault. I need to bring her back."

Kat nodded and frowned, thinking it over. "I've gotten to know Lorelai quite a bit and what I've noticed is that she loves a good fight, not a mean one but a teasing one… I know it seems farfetched but is there someone from her past that could get into an argument with her, maybe say that it's her fault and make her fight against that, to find the truth."

"That's a good idea." Rory closed her eyes thinking over the people in their lives. "Well… her and grandma could fight like nothing but I don't really think she'd be the right choice, especially with her being the cause of some of the problem. There's Luke but he's an even worse choice-"

"Luke?" Kat asked.

Rory gasped. "She has never mentioned Luke?"

Kat shook her head.

"He was her fiancée… and best friend… they had this epic romance that spanned like 10 years… until he found out he had a daughter."

"Lorelai has a daughter too."

"Yeah but Luke decided not to tell Mum, and then to cut her out of his and his daughter's life."

"Oh… anyone else?"

"Well Dad… but he won't exactly be keen on blaming anything on Mum, he thinks she's wonder woman too." Rory frowned, thinking it over still.

Suddenly she jumped forward, excited. "I know the perfect person! And even if he doesn't work it'll certainly shock a reaction out of Mum."

* * *

Lorelai tossed and turned all night, completely exhausted from her emotional breakdown the day before, but not able to stop her brain thinking about Rory and her sudden appearance. She hadn't been able to get out of bed the whole night and day after.

When Lorelai finally fell asleep her mind was clouded by a fitful nightmare. She was in the BWR movie theatre staring at her life, again. Only it wasn't just moments with Luke crossing the screen, Rory was there too, and Sookie, Babette and Morey, Patty, her parents, everyone she had let down. Once again Lorelai could only watch as she stood silently by and let the people around her be in pain.

"Say something!" she yelled at herself. "Say something!"

_KNOCK, KNOCK_

Lorelai sat up in bed covered in a sweat. She looked around dazed and confused for a second before she sunk back into her pillow, breathing deeply and trying to get the images from her mind.

_KNOCK, KNOCK_

Lorelai frowned, she thought that had been her dream.

_KNOCK, KNOCK_

It was someone at the door. Lorelai stood, sluggishly, and wrapped a robe around herself, making her way to the front door. With a deep breath, and a prayer that it wouldn't be Rory, she opened it.

Lorelai gasped and stepped back when she saw her was in front of her. This was the absolute last person she thought she would ever see again, let alone appear at her door.

* * *

**R and R**

**I know it's short but I really wanted to finish it there. Can anyone guess who it is? I reckon if you are a fan of the show and you consider who I said it wouldn't be it's pretty obvious, but I still want you guys to guess it! I want a correct guess before I post the next chapter!****  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I know people don't like Kat and what she had done but don't worry, next chapter is her last. I only needed her to explain to Rory what Lorelai was feeling. And I wanted Lorelai to fight because she has lost the spirit and the confidence she had, so she needs to life back in her, essentially. Yeah Lorelai is done but comfort won't really help right now, she needs to pick herself up and realise she isn't wrong, not someone trying to convince her, but her convincing herself. Sorry that people didn't like Rory's reasons... I just felt that she didn't really have a good excuse so tried to think of what would explain some of her actions... Rory knows she is in the wrong and she basically knows her reasons were stupid. And yes, it's good old Jess. I was just sad that Lorelai and Jess never got a scene together when he came back, I wanted Lorelai to see the man he had become and them to be friends, especially because they had so much in common and could really use each other in their lives... sorry that people didn't like last chapter :( I hope this one is better...**

* * *

"Sup Aunt Lorelai," Jess smirked, pushing past Lorelai and inside the apartment without an invitation.

Lorelai felt herself shiver at the term 'aunt'. She gripped the door tightly, drawing strength before she slammed it shut, whirling around to face the miscreant who was now looking over everything in the apartment.

"Looking for something to steal? The good stuff is in my room if you want to start there?" Lorelai snapped.

Jess smirked, looking the woman up and down. He had been floored when Rory had called and asked for this favour, but he had made the trip straight away, and made good time. True he and Lorelai had never seen eye to eye, but he had been a stupid kid, and looking back on it now he regretted it. She had only tried to help him, where his own Mum had failed it. He had always been jealous of the way people stuck by Lorelai, the relationship she had with both Luke and Rory, everyone loved her. Jess looked Lorelai up and down. Rory was right, this wasn't the same woman he had known. He had grown up a lot these last few years and Lorelai was on his list of people to apologise to.

I guess this should do it, Jess thought to himself. "Which room is yours? First door on the right?" Jess looked down the hall, making as if to actually go there.

Lorelai picked up the joke and smothered a sudden smile before he could see it. "Why are you here?" Lorelai kept the snap in her tone.

Jess turned back to Lorelai and levelled her with his best rebellious smirk. "What's wrong with the thieving reason?"

Lorelai snorted. "Cause it's hard to believe you'd make the trip from Philly to rip off less that it cost you to get here," Lorelai cut straight back.

"Huh," Jess said in his usual blasé tone. "My mistake. I heard you were rich."

Lorelai glared at the boy. "Jess," she said in a tone that would have pulled an answer out of anyone, except if that person were Jess.

"Well you know," Jess paused, he honestly didn't want to say this but it was the reason he was here and he was doing it for Lorelai's own good. "Who am I if not someone who likes to kick a person when they're down."

Lorelai stepped back, mouth wide.

Jess turned away, not wanting to see the pain he caused in Lorelai's eyes. "I heard that the 'perfect' Lorelai had been taken down a few pegs, and I had to see it for myself."

Lorelai stayed silent.

This wasn't the way it was meant to go. "What? No snappy comeback? You've really lost your touch."

Lorelai's eyes narrowed, and without thinking the words just flew out of her mouth. "Maybe we can kick each other then, cause I can't remember a time when you weren't down."

There we go. "You're looking at a published author now. Guess Luke must've straightened me out good. I mean, I turned out better than you're Yale drop out." It pained Jess to bring Rory down like that but he had to follow this through.

"You mean the Yale graduate? It must take a really interesting perspective to be proud of not even finishing high school. I mean even I did that, with a baby too."

"I guess that's the only thing you've succeeded at in life."

"What is this Jess? You publish one book, you 'claim', and suddenly you think you're all that? Well I own my own, completely successful business and put a kid through Chilton and Yale."

"The bankrupt inn?"

Lorelai slammed her mouth shut.

"And don't you mean your parents put Rory through Yale? All you did was fail Rory. If it wasn't for your parents she would never have made it."

Lorelai felt tears spring to her eyes. "Everything I did was for Rory. I took her away from there so that she could be happy! I gave her everything she needed! Made sure she didn't go without! I never failed her! She failed me…"

Lorelai gasped and turned away from Jess, feeling the tears start streaming down her face.

Jess wanted to stop there. He didn't want her crying. Something in him made him want to go and comfort her but he held back. "So what? You're saying none of what happened to Rory was your fault?" Jess tried to keep the attitude in his voice but he was sure even Lorelai heard it crack.

"She hurt me. I gave up everything for her, gave her everything, and she turned her back on me."

"Admit it. You weren't good enough for Rory and you aren't good enough for Luke."

Lorelai turned on Jess, full of anger. "Luke! I loved him, with all I had and all I was. He told me he was all in so I leapt, head first, with no protection whatsoever, only to find out I was heading for the bottom of a cliff and Luke was still at the top of it. He left me to fall…" Lorelai felt her knees give out, much the same as the night Rory had come, and she fell to the ground.

Jess ran to her and pulled her into his arms. Oddly Lorelai didn't hesitate, simply immersing herself deeper into his arms, burying her face in his neck. "He lied to me, he wasn't all in…"

Jess rubbed her back, letting her cry it all out. His heart was breaking for her. He loved Luke, and he loved Rory, but he couldn't believe how they had broken this poor woman. Jess decided then and there that he was going to stick around, provide whatever comfort she needed, basically be a son to her, and let her be a mother again.

After a while Lorelai pulled back and looked into Jess' eyes, smiling. "Thanks Jess."

Jess smirked his typical boyish grin. "It's what I'm here for."

Lorelai frowned. "Why?"

Jess shrugged. "Someone had to be, and you helped me."

"I did?"

Jess nodded. "You cared. I mean when I first got to Stars Hollow. You tried to get me involved, tried to make me behave and not drink. I'd never had that. I was a real dick to you but that one moment it felt like I had a Mum, and that felt nice."

Lorelai smiled. "Thanks kid."

"So Rory and Luke did a real number on you huh?" Jess asked softly.

Lorelai nodded, letting Jess pull her to her feet. "I guess they did. It's weird… I thought… I thought it was my fault that I had failed them, but when you said that to me I realised how ridiculous that was. They hurt me. It's up to them to make it up to me."

"So what's your next move?"

Lorelai frowned, thinking about it. "I ran away from it all, from myself and my life, because of them. I think I need to go back, deal with it all, make it up to the people that cared about me that I just left behind."

"Need some company? I have some amends to make in Stars Hollow too."

Lorelai smiled, surprised at her odd ally, but happy, for the first time in a year. Maybe she would finally be able to be better.

* * *

**R and R**

**good and bad...**

**again it was short but they're headed back to Stars Hollow next chapter, ****yey. I know exactly how everything is gonna go down with Luke, that's all written out and planned, but I haven't decided about Rory yet... I can't think of a way for them to get past it without going back to the fact that Lorelai simply loves Rory and needs her in her life... I'm open to suggestions and will keep thinking over situations.**

**Thanks**


	10. Chapter 10

"How'd it go?" Rory asked Jess as soon as he got through the door.

"Hey Rory! How are you?"

"Jess!" Rory had no patience right now.

Jess grinned at Rory and took a seat on her couch, intentionally leaving a long pause before he spoke. "We're going back to Stars Hollow."

Kat gasped. "That easy?"

Jess just shrugged.

"I guess it makes sense if you think about it. Stars Hollow was always Mum's home, not Hartford or, no offense, Boston. She belongs in Stars Hollow, it's the place she ran to, not the place she should run from."

"Yeah but after everything? I simple talk and-" Kat questioned.

"More than a simple talk! She completely broke down!" Jess interrupted.

"Broke down?" Rory asked in a small voice.

Jess chewed his lip. He wasn't going to tell Rory what had actually happened, that was too much like betraying Lorelai, which was a weird thought for him considering the fact that him and Lorelai would normally hate each other. "Listen, the plan worked. She isn't OK, by any means, and she isn't moving back to SH or anything but she is going back."

"Why?"

"To make it right. Babette told her all this stuff that changed when she left. Miss Patty's got boarded up, Lane and Zack, Babette and Morey are splitsville, the Dragonfly went under and Sookie and Jackson bailed, I think that's the hardest. She isn't moving back, she's just going back, to try and fix it."

Rory looked down, sadly, it was to good for it to have all been better so quickly. "When can we leave?" Rory asked.

Jess flinched. "We?"

"Yeah, you said 'we're going back to Stars Hollow'. Isn't 'we' me and Mum?"

"Rory… your Mum is really hurting right now and-"

"She doesn't want to see me does she?" Rory asked softly.

Jess shook his head.

"Who are 'we'?"

"Me and your Mum?"

Rory frowned. "You and Mum? You're trying to tell me that you and my Mum are going on a road trip holiday together? Really? Has the world started spinning the other way or something?"

Jess felt some frustration with Rory, and he didn't want to say anything he'd regret, so he got up to leave. "Listen. Your Mum is going through something right now, something that YOU put her through, and you asked me to come in and help, so I am."

"I didn't mean this."

"I know you didn't. But me and Lorelai have some stuff in common and… maybe we can work it out together? Anyway, I gotta go, we wanna leave tonight."

"OK," Rory whispered as Jess left, before she sunk into the couch.

* * *

"Stop."

"What?"

"You are driving me insane."

"What am I doing?"

"Moving so much that you're making me want to drive your car into oncoming traffic just to keep you still."

"Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Lorelai asked in a baby voice.

Jess practically growled back, making Lorelai burst into a fit of laughter.

The two had been driving for an hour, in complete silence, still slightly uncomfortable in each other's presence.

Once Lorelai's laughter subsided she turned from the passenger seat to start going through Jess' bag.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked, frustrated and annoyed.

"Going through your bag," Lorelai answered, obviously.

"I can see that! I'm wondering why you are insisting on going through my personal items!"

"Why? Do you have something dirty in here?" Lorelai asked with glinting eyes.

"Don't you understand boundaries?"

"What are they?" Lorelai joked.

"Here's proof that everyone in that stupid town is insane," Jess muttered.

"What proof?" Lorelai asked, stopping her search through Jess' bag for a moment.

"Who would ever miss you?"

Hurt flashed across Lorelai's eyes, thinking straight to Luke and that fact that he didn't in fact miss her.

Jess saw this and opened his mouth to cover it up. "I mean-"

"It's my town, that town," Lorelai said lightly.

Jess tried to read her face from the corner of his eye. He knew he shouldn't have said that but he honestly didn't mean to hurt her, and he honestly hadn't expected her to say that. Besides, what did that even mean.

Lorelai paused for a moment, pushing the tears away, before she turned back to Jess' bag.

Jess took a deep breath.

"Stop it."

"Jess-'

"Aunt Lorelai!"

Lorelai snapped back to her seat. "Why do you keep calling me that?"

"That's what you are aren't you?"

Lorelai frowned, was Jess being serious or trying to annoy her. His face seemed serious… and something else. "Jess… I know you didn't finish high school but I would think you'd know that an Aunt is your Mum or Dad's sister."

"Really?" Jess asked sarcastically. "Explains why that petrol station attendant was confused when I called him uncle."

Jess paused, wanting to say this softly and hoping she took it the right way. "I call you Aunt Lorelai for two reasons-"

Lorelai turned to face him, as much as she could in her seatbelt, she could tell he was being honest and actually sharing something of himself.

"Mum and L-" Jess cut himself off. "My family," he corrected, "classify you as family."

Lorelai frowned. Liz and Luke count her as family? What did THAT mean.

Jess saw Lorelai's confusion and tried to find a way to explain. "Mum's wedding, you fixed her dress…"

Jess paused so Lorelai could confirm.

"You tried to help with me and you've helped with Mum and she has always referred to you as her sister."

Lorelai breathed in. "That's because I was going to be her sister-in-law." Lorelai didn't want to mention it but she could see Jess trying to work his way around it.

Jess shook his head. "Not just that! I think Mum pushed you so hard on Uncle Luke because she just wanted you to be more tied to the family."

Lorelai smiled, "I didn't know Liz felt that."

Jess shrugged. "She asks me weekly if Rory has mentioned you."

Lorelai flinched. Jess and Rory were still in touch. Rory must have been who called Jess. She wanted desperately to ask how Rory was, but she wasn't at the point yet.

"Don't worry, I'm not a spy," Jess said, mostly as a joke.

Lorelai nodded, appreciating the meaning that he wasn't reporting back to Rory. "And the second reason?"

"I'm sorry."

Lorelai frowned and her head tilted to the side. "Huh?"

"I was a stupid kid, I did stupid stuff, some of it to you, and I shouldn't have. Me and you… we have some stuff in common-"

"I could have told you that."

"AND," Jess continued, ignoring Lorelai's input, "I wish you were like… my Mum or something… but you're not so-"

"So Aunt Lorelai." Lorelai could see the emotional conversation was a bit much for Jess so she ended it for him. "Thanks Jess."

Jess nodded, focusing himself completely on the road in front of him.

Lorelai paused, before turning back, again, to Jess' bag.

"Why!" Jess yelled.

Lorelai jumped. "What?" she asked, shocked by Jess' outburst.

"What do you want in that bag!"

"Oh!" Lorelai laughed, realizing that he had asked her many times and she was yet to answer him. "I'm bored."

Jess frowned. "How does my bag help?"

Lorelai pulled out a Metallica t-shirt. "It entertains me."

Jess sighed and leaned across to the glove box. He pulled out a small book and threw it at Lorelai. "Leave my crap alone and read this."

Lorelai pouted but dropped the shirt and picked up the book. Lorelai turned it over to read the blurb.

"Jess!" Lorelai shouted.

Jess flinched, almost swerving the car. "What! Keep your voice down woman!"

"You wrote this!" Lorelai said, excited.

"I told you I wrote a book, didn't you believe me?"

Lorelai shrugged, not even answering as she opened the book, ready to bury herself in Jess' words.

* * *

**R and R**


	11. Chapter 11

Lorelai sat on the grass, staring up at the boarded building in front of her. The Dragonfly. She felt a hole growing in her heart as she looked up at the ruins of what she had created.

Her and Jess had arrived about half an hour before and Jess had taken off as soon as the car stopped, antsy for air and space.

He hadn't said anything but Lorelai knew he was headed to see his uncle. Jess had said he had some amends to make in the Hollow and Luke was probably number one.

They had driven late afternoon to Stars Hollow so, as Lorelai had been sitting, it had become dusk, twilight, night, still she didn't move. She felt something shift beside her and saw movement in her peripheral vision, but still remained frozen in her thoughts.

Jess looked down at Lorelai, taking in her broken face and dim but thoughtful blue eyes. The way she was so broken made Jess even more sure of what he had just done.

After a few more moments of quiet observation, during which crickets were the only sound, Jess decided to nudge her with his foot, which more looked like kicking her in the side, softly. The 'nudge' caused Lorelai to fall to her side. She came out of her trance with a shocked squeal, which caused Jess to snort.

"Jess!" Lorelai gasped, straightening herself but remaining seated.

Jess plonked down next to her, letting silence wash over them again. Jess turned his head when he saw Lorelai shiver.

"Come on," he stood and pulled her up, leading her to the car.

Jess got in the drivers side again. "Your place?" he confirmed before heading off.

* * *

Lorelai was slightly shocked when Jess followed her inside the house, but she didn't question it. A simple glance around told her Babette had taken great care of it, even leaving it as a tidy version of exactly what it was. Lorelai turned when she saw Jess taking off his shoes.

"Umm… I can put clean sheets on Rory's bed? Get a clean towel and stuff?" They had never discussed the sleeping arrangement, Lorelai just assuming Jess would stay with Luke.

"Thanks," he replied softly.

Lorelai frowned and moved to sit next to him. "Jess?" she asked, filling her voice with as much kindness as she could.

"I don't want you to have to hear his name," Jess muttered, barely audible. He was slightly surprised by the way he felt he should protect her. Something had definitely changed in their relationship, she really was like an Aunt to him now, almost.

Lorelai read between the lines. Something bad had happened between Uncle and nephew and Jess wanted to talk about it, but it obviously involved Lorelai and he didn't want to hurt her.

Hesitanting slightly, still very aware that this was her previous enemy, Lorelai wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Tell Auntie Lorelai what happened," she joked.

Jess didn't move.

"What happened with Luke sweetie," she used THAT name, forcing herself not to flinch.

Jess smiled slightly. Talking had been really hard for him as a troubled teen but slowly Luke and Rory had taught him that it really helps.

"It started good, you know, catching up. Then he told me he was really proud of what I'd accomplished and it all went wrong… this man is the guy I've always aspired to… he always seemed to solid, so together, then when he said 'I'm proud of you' something just turned, maybe it was that rebellious adolescent coming back, but I thought, I don't want him to be proud of me."

Jess sat, silent for a while.

Lorelai was confused. "Why? You don't see how much you've accomplished and the amazing man you've become?"

"No that's not it!"

Jess stood up and moved away, talking with his back to her. "I am so proud of myself… it's him I'm disappointed in."

"Oh Jess," Lorelai said sadly, connecting the dots and reading where this was headed.

"But I fought to keep my cool. I figured, I'm here to make amends, let's see his side of the story, if he actually has redemption possibilities…"

Lorelai nodded, understanding and showing Jess she wasn't offended at all, also indicating to go on.

"But he had nothing. All he said was…"

* * *

FLASHBACK

* * *

"Jess people just break up, it happens, you know that."

"But this was different, it was you and Lorelai, two best friends with 8 years of foreplay."

Luke took his cap off and scratched his head. He sighed, "you wanna know the long story?"

Jess nodded.

"Rory left and Lorelai got depressed. I left her alone to get over it and she didn't. Suddenly she just left."

Jess felt his mouth fall open in surprise. "Are you a complete idiot or are you just lying to me?"

Luke's eyes widened. "What?"

"That lame ass story you just fed me!"

"That's the truth!"

"That's not even a version of the truth! You know I'm still in contact with Rory-"

"Oh..." Luke looked down, knowing that Jess obviously knew his fault in Lorelai's disappearance.

"And I've been in contact with Lorelai." Jess didn't want to say that Lorelai was here, with him, and that the two were becoming extremely close, not yet anyway, not if he had a chance in hell of Luke telling him his side of the story.

Luke looked away, talking quietly from the corner of his mouth, "how is she?"

Jess frowned. He didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to scream that Luke had no right to know that answer. "Why did you two break up, and why did she leave, the real story this time."

Luke looked down at the table and fiddled with the wood. "Rory left and Lorelai was sad but something made her propose to me and I accepted. I knew she was depressed and not herself and that I should honestly say no, and force her to go make things right with Rory, but I was just so happy. She wanted to marry me and then we would be together for the rest of our lives. Listen, I KNOW it was wrong and I was taking advantage of her and that's why… that's why every time she was sad, or tried to talk, I'd cut her off… it's why I didn't fight harder for her and Rory to make up… I was happy and I didn't care that she wasn't."

Luke paused, feeling a knot in his chest.

"And then I met April and I was even happier. But I didn't tell Lorelai… I've thought about this a lot and I've come up with SO many reasons but none that truly make sense… like I thought April would like Lorelai more, or I didn't want to rub my kid in her face when hers was gone, or I just wanted to get to know April better myself first… but then she found out and her face… she was in so much pain and I'd caused it… It was that moment that I realised what I'd been doing to her, forcing a depressed woman down the aisle and not even telling her that her bridegroom had a kid…"

"And?" Jess snapped, feeling anger burn inside him.

"I postponed the wedding. I needed time to figure it out and so did she… but time just seemed to keep happening and soon the wedding had somehow become cancelled. But I didn't want to lose her so I kept her, but not in my life, just in this area outside of it. It was like, if I couldn't have her then I'd stop anyone else from coming in and taking her… it was stupid… I started believing we weren't meant to be because I was hurting her so much but it had been 8 years of pining, you know. So it went on, her hurting, me happy but confused… until she snapped… gave me an ultimatum… I wouldn't decide, so she left."

"What was the ultimatum," Jess asked, his voice ice cold.

"Elope or end it."

"So you decided to end it."

"No! I needed time! But she said she didn't have it and just walked away. I wanted to give her time to cool of but that was the last time I ever saw her-"

"You didn't follow her!" Jess snapped, flying out of his chair and sending it flying.

* * *

PRESENT

* * *

"He pined over you for 8 years… and then he treated you like crap, prevented April from meeting this amazing person who could have really helped her out!"

"Jess-" Lorelai tried to cut in as Jess' volume and anger rose.

Jess turned and started pacing in front of Lorelai. "No! He isn't that solid together guy that he tried to make everyone think he is. Losing you hasn't even affected him!-" Jess cut himself off as he saw Lorelai flinch back, tears rushing to her eyes.

"Lorelai-I-" Jess reached forward to touch her but she moved away and stoof up, heading to the stairs and her room.

"I'm-just gonna get changed," she forced out as she disappeared.

Jess sunk to the couch. He knew he shouldn't have said anything to her.

* * *

After a long shower Lorelai decided it was time to go check on Jess. She felt horrible for losing it on him like that, especially because he didn't get to finish his story.

Jess jumped up to meet Lorelai as soon as he saw her at the foot of the stairs. "Lorelai, I'm sorry."

"Nonsense," Lorelai brushed him off. "Just couldn't stand to be in those clothes another minute longer."

Jess sighed at her obvious lie but let it go.

"So, he told you his side, and then what happened?" Lorelai asked. She couldn't force herself to use his name this time, not after being told that he knew exactly how much pain she had been in and he had left her like that.

Jess shook his head. "It's OK Lorelai."

"Nu-uh, sorry, doesn't work that way. Me and you-" Lorelai gestured to the space between them, "-goes both ways. I've had my go, now it's your turn to break down."

Jess raised a brow.

"Or whatever the manly version of that is."

"You sure?"

Lorelai only fixed Jess with a glare.

"Alright." He lifted his hands in mock defence and sat on the couch, waiting until Lorelai settled where she sat on the coffee table.

"Well basically I lost it. I let him have both barrels, and he hit me right back, saying…"

* * *

FLASHBACK

* * *

"You have no right to come into my place and judge me! And why do you even give a damn! You treated her like shit too!"

"Four things wrong with that! I was a stupid kid," Jess counted them off his fingers, "I have apologised to her and I'm trying to make up for it, I never treated her and hurt her as bad as you did intentionally AND she was never in love with me!"

"What does that matter?"

"What does that matter? She gave you her heart, her trust, her self. And after 8 years of pining you couldn't give yourself to her-"

"I gave her all of me-"

"AND you destroyed what she gave you!" Jess yelled louder, covering Luke.

"I did give her all of me!"

"She never had you, not the way you had her."

Luke was silent, nostrils flaring with anger. "Get out."

Without a word Jess stomped to the door to leave.

"And don't come back!"

* * *

PRESENT

* * *

"Jess…" Lorelai whispered. "I'm so sorry…"

"Why? It wasn't your fault?"

"But-"

"Lorelai he was being a grade A dick and someone had to tell him. I'm glad it was me."

"Well… you got one thing wrong…"

"What?"

"You've more than made it up to me."

* * *

Luke stood at the counter to his diner, moodily banging the coffee machine. It was refreshing to finally feel again, after a year of nothing, even if that feeling was anger. Sure he had hurt Lorelai but she had hurt him too, and it was Rory she was more upset with when she left, things between him and her were fine, good. He wasn't just kidding himself was he?

"Luke?" Lane approached him quietly. Everyone had heard the argument upstairs and everyone, without wanting to say anything to Luke, was on Jess' side.

"What?" he snapped at her.

Lane was only doing this to get her old boss back, and maybe help Lorelai if it worked out that way. "Here," she said softly as she handed Luke a video.

"What's this?" he asked gruffly.

Lane swallowed. "Watch it," Lane scuttled away quickly.

Luke grunted and shoved it away under the counter.

* * *

Later that night, after closing, Luke was sitting in his small apartment, watching his small TV. His mind, for some reason, kept flashing to the video down stairs. Gruffly Luke got up and headed down to get the video.

Luke plonked down on his sofa after shoving the tape into his VCR. With a sigh he pressed play.

It was Lane's wedding video. "Huh?" Luke frowned.

He went to switch it off when the camera focused on Lorelai on stage, about to give a toast to the happy couple.

"Lane's best friend couldn't be here tonight, so I guess she decided I'm make a good substitute as we share a name and eyes," Lorelai said sadly.

Luke dropped the remote, drawn to the pain in her eyes. He had seen it everyday for a whole year but it still pained his heart to see it, even on the small television screen.

"Some of you know me as Lorelai Gilmore, and some of you know me as Cher, but either way, I wanted to say a few words about our girl."

Was she drunk?

"I have known Lane forever, and I am just so incredibly happy that she has gotten married. I mean, I am just SO happy that this adorable, 22 year old, girl has gotten married. Cause it's amazing, you know, it's really hard to get married. Believe me, I should know, I mean seriously, because Lane is married and next thing it'll be my daughter, and I won't be invited cause she hates me now, and then my granddaughter, but not me, I'm not getting married. No, it ain't for me, it's not in the cards, but- hey do you know what date I'm not getting married? June third. Do not save the date. Do you hear me? Do whatever you want on June third because there's nothing at all happening on that day. If there's anything you need to book or anything it's totally safe to book it on June third. So… congratulations Lane… and Zack… who else here had eight shots of tequila, anybody? Hands? No… Oh my gosh! Who misses the yummy bartenders? I know! Me to! They were so great! I was gonna ask them not to work on June third, on my not wedding. I just thought that would be so fun."

Luke felt tears trickling down his face. This pain… what she was feeling… he had done that, him, not Rory…

"Someone stop her, help her," Luke begged the screen, hoping someone, anyone, would make a move and pull her from the stage, fill her with coffee, take her home.

But no one came.

The speech lasted 10 more minutes before she was distracted and ran to go bet more tequila… 10 minutes of pain and drunken honesty… 10 minutes of words that cut right through to Luke's heart.

* * *

**R and R**

**I'll try and get another chapter up tomorrow, it will be the chapter when Lorelai and Luke come face to face... but if I can't get it up, well this one is long :D**


	12. Chapter 12

Luke grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sculled it, trying to bring the numbness back. Numbness beat pain hands down.

Luke paused. It still hurt.

Second beer.

Still hurt.

Luke spun and threw the empty beer bottle at the wall, sending shards flying everywhere. He needed more information, what else did Lorelai do that night, why didn't he know anything about this in a town that thrived on gossip.

* * *

Luke stomped up the driveway to Lane's place, ready to bang the door down for information. But he stopped when he heard music playing. It sounded like a cover Hep Alien had did before they broke up, for the second time, the one that stuck.

It was unlike their usual music and the song was slightly familiar to Luke, something he'd heard but hated, but knew Lorelai liked.

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

Told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

Luke knew it was Zack singing but something in his mind changed the voice to Lorelai. It was as if she was singing the song directly to him.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

Was she glad it was over? Or did she miss him like he missed her?

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Luke felt tears again. For a guy who barely showed emotion he just couldn't seem to get it under control tonight. He had cut Lorelai off, treated her like she was nothing, and acted like it hadn't hurt him at all. Imagine if that had gotten back to her, it wouldn't have comforted her, it would have hurt her more, how could he have been so stupid.

The voice changed to Gill's but it was still Lorelai in Luke's mind.

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done

But I don't wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

Luke couldn't take it anymore. Every word of this rung true to how badly he'd treated Lorelai. He already knew he'd screwed up but it was as if he was just realizing how much he'd ruined everything and that the blame he'd put on Lorelai for her part wasn't justified at all. Luke fled back to his apartment and the welcoming arms of another few beers.

* * *

The next day Luke woke up with a killer hangover. By now he would have thought that his body would be used to the constant beer, but maybe he overdid it a bit last night. Moving slowly he dressed and headed to Doosey's in search of some pain killers.

* * *

"Get up!" Jess yelled at the lump in the blankets.

A muffled no came back at him.

They'd been at it for almost half an hour, him trying to get her up and her refusing.

"Lorelai you came to Stars Hollow to make things right and all you've done is sit staring at a building and now you want to spend a whole day in bed. You could have just done this in Boston!"

Lorelai peaked her head out from under the doona, letting Jess see her puffy red eyes. "I'm wallowing!" she yelled before shoving her head back under.

"What?"

Silence.

"Lorelai I don't know what wallowing is."

With a huff Lorelai sat up, letting the blanket fall aside. Her hair was a mess and she looked like crap. Jess barely noticed, just glad that she was getting some air.

"When you're sad you wallow. You sit in bed all day, eat copious amounts of junk food, watch a lot of bad tv, cry, and mourn. The next day you wake up and the pain isn't as bad anymore."

Jess looked at Lorelai as if she was nuts.

"I've done it my whole life. Whenever I got dumped, or my Mum was extra harsh to me… I'd hide away for a day, wallow, then come back strong. It's how I get through things."

Jess nodded. "And why people call you wonder woman and believe nothing can get you down?"

"You betcha."

"OK… why are you wallowing?"

"Cause I never did… after Rory I just jumped into the engagement and never gave myself time to process and then with Luke I just ran… I knew wallowing would help me feel better and get me back to 'strong' but I wasn't ready yet so I took a time out."

"And now you're wallowing."

"Yes."

"There's no TV in your bedroom and you have no food in this house."

"Oh." Lorelai frowned.

Jess sighed. "Fine. You set yourself up in the longue room and I'll go get you food."

Lorelai's face lit up. "Thanks Jess."

"Bye Aunt Lorelai."

* * *

Luke walked into Doosey's, glad to be out of the sun that was killing his eyes.

"Can't you go any faster!" Luke overheard the angry voice of his nephew.

He peaked out from behind an aisle, watching Jess but making sure Jess couldn't see him. Luke scanned all the items Jess was buying. It was just a pile of junk food. Twizzlers, ice cream, cookie dough, chocolate, milk duds, and so much more. Luke frowned. Jess was almost as healthy an eater as he was, what was he doing with all this food? And why was he even still in town?

Luke watched Jess go before he turned to find his pain killers, popping them into his mouth and swallowing straight away. After almost 15 minutes of just standing and waiting for the medication to kick in, Luke made his way back to the diner. He was in no mood to work so he headed straight to the curtain, passing Babette and Patty talking quietly on his way. That was weird. Those two hadn't really been doing the gossiping thing for a year. In fact, Miss Patty was rarely seen anymore.

Some words floated to him. "Jess is taking good care of her."

Luke paused, hidden behind the curtain, listening to the conversation.

"Jess? Luke's Jess?" Patty asked.

"The one and only. I heard them last night. And this morning he left to get a pile of junk food for her. And did you hear about how he stuck up for her to Luke! Really told him how it was."

Luke frowned. The person Jess had fought him about was Lorelai. But that would mean…

"He calls her Aunt Lorelai now too!"

"Well, it's about time someone looked out for that girl. She's had too much pain in her life. I think-"

"Jess is with Lorelai?" Luke cut Patty off.

"Luke!" Babette gasped, surprised. Luke hadn't shown any sort of emotion in a very long time.

"Yes Luke," Patty answered.

"And Lorelai is in town?"

"Back at home," Patty answered again, an eyebrow rising as she evaluated Luke.

Without another word Luke took off, headed straight for Lorelai's house.

"Interesting twist," Patty murmured to Babette.

* * *

Luke ran the whole way there so he was practically gasping for breath when he got there. He wanted to beat Jess and considering Jess had a bit of a head start he knew he'd have to bring back the days of 'Butch' Danes. Luckily Jess was carrying armloads of Lorelai's food so he wasn't there yet.

* * *

Lorelai had made herself a nice cocoon on the couch while she was waiting for Jess. She'd almost fallen asleep when she heard a banging on the front door. Lorelai frowned. Did Jess lock the door behind him?

With a pout Lorelai extracted herself from her cocoon and headed to the door, only to be completely shocked at who was on the other side.

Luke and Lorelai stood staring at each other, speechless, for a whole minute. Both seemed frozen. Frozen bodies, frozen minds. Lorelai didn't move away, Luke didn't move forward.

"What are you doing here!" Roared Jess as he came up behind them, seeing Luke staring at Lorelai and really immediate anger. Jess dropped the bags and moved to grab Luke.

Lorelai came out of her thoughts and jumped between them, stopping any violence before it happened.

Jess continued to glare at Luke over Lorelai's shoulder. "He has no right to be here."

"Jess," Lorelai spoke softly. "Can you please take the food inside."

Jess moved his eyes to read Lorelai's pleading face. "But-"

"Please Jess."

With a grunt Jess moved to pick up the bags. "I'll be right inside," he flung over his shoulder as he entered the house.

Once the door was closed Lorelai moved down around the house, away from Jess' ears, and gestured for Luke to follow. Once there was distance between them and the house Lorelai stopped, remaining silent, letting Luke speak first.

Luke's brain flew into overdrive. What should he say? Sorry? What did he want? Did he want her back? Of course he wanted her back! How would he do it?

"You been good?" Whoops. That wasn't what he meant to say.

Lorelai snorted and took a step away, turning her back on him.

Definitely not the right thing to say. Luke rubbed his face. He should have planned this, he shouldn't have come over hung over. He knew this was his one chance. "Lorelai I-"

"Maybe we shouldn't do this Luke," Lorelai said sadly, softly. She moved to leave but Luke reached an arm out and grabbed her arm, stopping her.

Something flew through both of them when they touched, rooting Lorelai to the spot and forcing Luke to drop him arm.

"I went after you."

Lorelai turned her head back slightly, not looking at him but showing she was listening.

"I made it halfway and came back. Not just once either… every day for a week I drove halfway to Mia's, stopped, and came back."

"Why?" Lorelai asked in a small voice.

Why what? Why did he follow her or why did he stop and come back? Luke thought hurriedly. He decided to hedge his bets and answer both.

"I wanted you back. I needed you back. But then I thought… maybe you didn't want or need me back."

"Was that your choice to make?"

Her voice was so cold, so distant. "It was my choice not to want to put you in pain anymore."

Lorelai turned to face him fully. Score, right thing to say.

"Then why did you put me in pain to start with?"

Honesty time. "You were already in pain and I didn't help you because it brought us closer together."

Lorelai looked at him sadly, glad he was being honest but still so hurt by the truth. "Did you consider that maybe helping me out of the pain would bring us even closer? That maybe we were soul mates and we would have grown closer even if Rory hadn't have left?"

Luke frowned, thinking it over. "No. I just didn't want to lose you."

Lorelai nodded.

Silence again.

"Lorelai listen. I screwed up, I know it, OK, I know it. I am so incredibly sorry. Everything I did… but you're right, we are soul mates. I've learnt from what I did, really I have, and I will never do anything but fight to bring you happiness… we should give us another go."

Lorelai's eyes searched all over his face. He was serious. He was standing before her trying to convince her to get back with him. Just like that. After everything. Was he serious?

"Are you serious?"

Luke took it the wrong way. He smiled, thinking she was going to say yes. He stepped forwards and put his hands on her shoulders. "Yes Lorelai. I love you. Be with me."

Lorelai took a step back, shocked. "Luke… I…," Lorelai shook her head. "No. Never. No."

"What?" It was Luke's turn to be shocked.

"Even if I could forgive you I could never trust you, never love you again."

"You don't love me?"

Lorelai let herself think about that for a moment before replying with complete honesty. "No. I don't know when… but I do know I stopped loving you."

Luke's mouth fell open. He had lost her.

Lorelai could see the pain she caused. She knew she wasn't ready to be friends, to say 'that' speech, but maybe Luke needed it. "Maybe we can try to be friends. See where that goes."

Luke thought it over for a moment. Yes. She'd start coming in to the diner again, we'd have the bit about coffee and junk food, she'd fall for me again. Luke nodded, far to eagerly for Lorelai's liking. "Friends, sure."

Lorelai frowned, not trusting the happy look on his face. He wasn't planning to try and win her back. "OK… well maybe we can try that. But I have to go," Lorelai gestured to where Jess' face was pressed against the window, watching them.

Luke nodded and moved to hug her, which caused Lorelai to jump back and shake her head. Luke shrugged and walked away.

With a heavy sigh Lorelai walked back into the house.

"What the hell was that!" Jess rounded on her as soon as she closed the door.

"What?" Lorelai asked, emotionally exhausted.

"No yelling! No anger! After all he did to you, you just-"

"Jess," she cut him off. "it wouldn't have done any good, and I don't even know what I feel well enough to tell him. That's why I want to wallow."

"So you wallow today, let him have it tomorrow?" Jess asked hopefully.

Lorelai smiled.

"I'm serious! The yelling, it really helps. Like you tote talking out your feelings and wallowing out the pain but yelling helps with the anger."

"I don't have any anger."

"You must be doing the steps all wrong then."

Lorelai frowned. "Steps?"

"Yeah. Denial and isolation, which you certainly did, then anger. But you seemed to have skipped that and headed straight to bargaining and then depression."

Lorelai chuckled and shook her head. She immersed herself back in her cocoon. "What treats did you bring me?"

* * *

**R and R**


End file.
